Humbling Thought!

I was at Monday Night Bible Study last night. I was sharing part of my journey with them and just rattled on and on. I tell you, since my surgery, I just can't stop talking. So then after the study while we were discussing things, I again had to tell a few stories. After study, several of these ladies came up to me and told me they didn't realize I ever talked!!! Some said, I just love to hear you talk; you are so encouraging! That kind of surprised me because I've always felt that I was a chatterbox. But here these women, whom I love and share everything with, didn't realize how outspoken I was.

I knew that I had withdrawn from life during the past months, but I don't guess I knew how much until last night. Even when I was still going to things, I was shutting down. I didn't participate, didn't comment, didn't offer any encouragement. I would sit in my chair, listen, and not interact with anyone. Apparently, I hid everything about myself from everyone who "shared my space". It's a wonder that I have any one - friends, coworkers, church family - that still has any kind of love and concern for me. And yet, I have sooo many people who love me and care about me. It is so humbling! And such a gift!

I have a lot of "making up" to do. I have so much giving to do to let these caring souls know how much their love for me means to me. In fact, I can never repay the gifts - prayers, prayers, prayers - they have given me. All I can do is my best to do what God wants me to do. I can do the best I can to make this new journey successful. I can do the best I can to show my appreciation. I can do the best I can to make sure each person knows how much I love them. But, my best alone will never be enough. God's grace is the only thing that will make my best worthy. And I pray His grace on all of us. That we may always do our best - to love, to encourage, to support. God bless us, everyone!

Prayer Request

This last Thursday, I went to the doctor to have my first "fill". A fill is when the doctors add fluid to your lap band. Anyway, because it way my first fill, there were a group of us that met together. We had a group discussion, then each one got their fill, then we finished with more discussion.

While we were waiting on each other to get their fill, we were talking about things we had encountered. It's amazing how all of us were going through a lot of the same things. There were these two women who were walking about the things they had been eating. We had still not added beef, pork, or breads to our diet. Before I continue, it's important to know that after your fill, you go through a restricted diet again. Day 1 is clear liquids; day 2 is pureed foods; day 3 is soft/canned foods; and day 4 is full diet.

One of these two women commented that she had had a hamburger the night before. She knew she had to have something good since she was going to be on liquids for 2 days. A hamburger!!! That wasn't in our diet yet. The second lady commented that she had mexican food the night before, for the same reason! Again, not on our diet yet!

I was shocked that folks were already cheating!!! It has only been 4 weeks!!! I was trying not to be judgmental, but its hard sometimes. So, I've decided I need to be in prayer for these ladies and for myself. I'm asking God that He help these ladies with their temptations. I am also asking Him to help me know how to encourage them. I don't want to be "holier than thou" about the whole situation but I don't want to see them giving in so early.

I am really concerned about one of the ladies. She has previously had gastric bypass. She did well, lost weight, and then started putting it back on. So she's opted to have the lap band. I'm afraid that she's already setting herself up for failure. I'm concerned that if she is not successful with lap band, she may give up all together. I don't have anything to base this on except for personal feelings. If I fail at this lap band, I'm not sure how I would handle things!

So, I am asking that you pray with me for these ladies. I want success for everyone that enters this program! And, as we know, God is the only one that can make that happen!

This Special Group of Women

I want to tell you about this wonderful group of women that meets together every Monday night for Bible Study. They are powerful prayer warriors. God uses these women mightily in His service.

These ladies are a mixed group. We have everyone from very young wives and new mothers to grandmothers. We have high school and college students participate. We have people who have been members of the church all their lives and some who are just starting their journey. Ladies from other nations and states have all chosen to meet on Monday night. Our "problems" are universal - marriage problems, problems with our kids, aging parents, illness, job loss, death - you name it and this group has experienced it. One thing we always promise to each other is this - what is said in our Bible Study room stays in the room. It's a safe place to come and talk about your most secret needs, desires, concerns, fears. You can confess anything to this group and no one is ever judged. Love is the healer! We will pray and pray and pray for God to meet our needs. While waiting for God, we encourage, support, and love each other. We open ourselves on those Monday nights to God and what he wants to accomplish during our time together. Many times, our leader has set aside the lesson because someone in our group had a need, and God wanted to use us to help.

I can't share with you any of their stories. (We have this promise, remember!) And God has done some powerful and miraculous things. But I can share my story about how God used these women to save my life.

My wonderful friends prayed for me off and on for about a year. I had been slowly withdrawing from everyone. It was such a struggle for me to go to Bible Study that I finally just quit. And that was so hard for me. This group had been with me during my mother's illness and death, during the financial struggles of her funeral, etc. As I began to withdraw, they began praying for me. I'm going to say for at least 5 months, these ladies prayed and talked about me. During these 5 months, these ladies continued to send me encouragement, they'd call me and let me know how much I was missed, they offered to help in anyway they could. They were praying for me and loving me every day. It's really a humbling thing to know that sooooo many people care about you and are concerned about you. I'm fortunate enough to have a couple of groups like this in my life. I'll tell you about the others on another day.

One day at Bible Study, they were going over prayer requests and I was mentioned again. One of the ladies asked, What are we going to do about Landa? They had been praying and praying but didn't know what to do. That was the catalyst that started my journey. It's as if God said, okay, let's do it. The time is now!

A couple of these ladies went to Jim and asked if he would approach me about the lapband. One of them had done research, had found a place, etc. Jim and I talked, mostly through email. We talked about a lot of my "fears" so that we could get rid of any excuses I still had. And then God laid out the plan.

Last night, I went to study for the first time in at least 6 months. It was wonderful. Every lady, even the ones that had joined the group after I dropped out, were glad to see me. I got hugs and kisses, encouragement, fellowship - it was wonderful! I missed my ladies and was so glad to be reunited with them. I've "rejoined" a part of my life! And it is amazing!

I want to encourage you women reading this to find a group of women you can pour out your heart to. A group that will cry with you, laugh with you, celebrate with you, work with you, worship with you, pray with you. A group that accepts you no matter - worts and all. And then when you do, thank our God every day for this wonderful blessing. It is life changing!

Just When You Need One...

God sends an angel. Have you ever had that happened? I am having a weepy, "pity me" kind of day. I have this pain in my side that won't go away. My doctor and I can't find the right medication for my arthritic knees. I'm tired of being "sick"! I'm tired of hurting! I'm ready to get started with my life!! The spirit is willing but the flesh is too busy hurting!



I called in this morning and told them at work that I just couldn't be there. So I'm sitting in my apartment feeling sorry for myself when there is a knock at my door. There stood Chad Roberts. Chad is a member of the Roberts family who I have grown to love like family. Chad is also my boss. He was just here to check on me. So, bless his heart, I kind of unloaded on him. Told him about all my aches and pains, cried big tears, etc. We talked for a few minutes. Then he got up and washed my dishes, unloaded my diswasher, took out my trash. He was my friend. And that's what I needed today.



He left telling me not to worry about anything. Just get better. Isn't that great! Not only did one of my best friends come and take care of me, but my boss told me not to worry! Double blessing!!!



I know this is a journey I'm on and not a race. And that all is done at God's timing. It's just so wonderful that our God, when He sees we are struggling with "timing" issues, sends an angel to lighten the load. Thank you God! Thank you Chad!

I Have WHAT?

To be cleared for my surgery, one of the things I had to do was a sleep study. You know, you go to one of those sleep places where they put all these monitors on you and then watch you sleep. First of all, the last time I remember being able to sleep with someone watching me was when I was about 10 months old. I must admit that I did not welcome this news with open arms. I could not see the need in going to some other place to sleep since I had no symptons. I don't snore, don't have problem falling to sleep, no morning headaches, no stoppage of breathing. I was tired all the time but that was due to my weight. This was not necessary! But I had to do it to be cleared for surgery. So I made the appointment.

First of all, it's not real easy for me to sleep any where besides my bed. If the bed is too tall, I can't get into it. If it's too low, I can't get out of it. It's hard for me to move around much in bed. My spirit is willing but my butt is too big. In my own bed, I know how to get in and out of it and move around if needed. This made me nervous.

Then, they hook you up with all these monitors - chest, on the back and sides of your head, where your jaw joint is, in the middle of your forehead, at your temples, on your calves. Then, they put one in your nostrils. You know, like you were taking oxygen only there's no oxygen. Just this metal monitor. They put a belt around your waist and one around your - uh - "chest", so they can monitor your breathing. The last thing is one of those pulse-oxygen monitors. They tape that to your finger. (Oh, I forgot to mention that they stick all the monitors to your hair and body with some kind of paste. Not easily washed away!) Once they get you all connected, they tell you to lay down and get comfortable. Have you ever tried to get comforted with wires, belts, and things glued and taped to you. Not an easy job!

I'm all hooked up and laying in bed trying to fall asleep. We've already done our biometrics which is blinking, wiggling your feet, grinding your teeth, holding your breath, moving your eyes - just to make sure all the monitors are working. The next thing I hear is "Good Night Miss Wells". Right! I'm supposed to fall asleep now.

I laid there and told myself to go to sleep. Oh, did I tell you it was 9pm. I'm now talking to myself in my mind - Landa, you better go to sleep; you don't want to have to do this again; come on sleep; you're getting sleepy, sleepy; 1 sheep, 2 sheep, red sheep, blue sheep. Nothing seemed to work. The lovely tech came in the next morning to wake me up. I apologized for not sleeping. She said I was wrong. I had slept really well!!!

Well, I got dressed, went home, showered to get that lovely paste out of my hair, and went to sleep. It was over and I slept well. See, I told them I didn't have sleep apnea!!!

A week later, I received a call from David at the sleep center. Miss Wells, the doctor wants you to come in for another sleep study and be fitted for a CPAP machine. WHAT!!!! Are you sure?? Yes maam, you have severe sleep apnea with an average of 60 occurances each hour. He was telling me that I stopped breathing every minute. How can that be! How can this be happening and me not know.

I'm picking up my CPAP machine Monday. You know, they say the way to beat a problem is to admit you have one. Okay, I admit it. I have embraced the idea and am looking forward to the benefits that my CPAP will bring me. The doctors and many friends have told me it will make a tremendous difference in my energy, my focus, my oxygen level, etc. They say I'll be a new woman! With benefits like that, what could be so bad!!!

I'll Never See Those Pounds Again!!!

I was laying in bed the other night, thinking about the fantastic start to my journey and it dawned on me - I'll never see those pounds again! Can you just imagine how amazing that feels! After 40+ years of dieting (and failing), to finally have the confidence, hope, and assurance to know that I will never again be as heavy as I was 3 weeks ago nor will I ever be heavy as I am right now! It's an amazing gift!

Those of you who are accomplished dieters like me know that for every pound you lose on a diet, you gain more back. There was one time in my life that I lost 146 lbs. in 6 months. That was wonderful! I felt good, looked good, could do so much, but 6 months later I had gained it all back and more! You talk about spirit crushing! I don't think I ever felt I would be successful again! I think that's when I first began to lose hope that my life would ever be what I wanted it to be. Hope is a terrible thing to lose.

How wonderful is our God! How thankful I am that He never gave up on me. Sometimes, I feel like that one lost sheep that was missing. No one gave up hope that the sheep would be found. That sheep was far too important to his master. I'm sure everyone prayed for that sheep, searched for that sheep, used all the resources God provided to find that sheep until it was returned to the herd. I'm so very grateful that we are God's sheep, and that we are so important to Him that He will never give us up for lost. It's a pretty powerful gift. And I am blessed!

New Experience - Already!

Last night, 5 friends and I met so that they could pray over me before my surgery. Before praying, these wonderful friends wanted to affirm what I was doing. Their words were very humbling and encouraging. The more we talked about my new life, the more excited I became. Then it was time to pray. One was a shepherd from Heritage. He annointed me with oil then everyone placed their hands on my shoulders and we prayed. Wow! It was amazing! God's peace just flowed through my body. I'm anxious and nervous about the surgery tomorrow, which is natural, but I am also at peace. I have such a conviction that I am doing what God wants me to do. It was a great evening!

God's Timing

I mentioned yesterday that I have learned alot about God's timing. I've learned to never give up on something that you really want. If God wants you to have it, He will give it to you. But it's going to be at His timing.

You see, about 5 years ago, I tried to have this surgery. I did a lot of research and thought it would be exactly what I needed to finally get my weight under control. I told friends, who also researched it, and just knew I was going to be a new woman in a matter of months. I contacted the doctor, saw a psychologist, and tried to schedule the surgery but was told my insurance wouldn't cover it. It was considered experimental. And the cost at that time was over $20,000. So I gave up!

Right after this, my mom got sick. She had brain surgery for tremors and did well for about 6 weeks. Then infections set in and complications developed. She passed away after about 6 months. I have always been an emotional eater, and going through this with mom and her passing, I just continued to gain weight. Of course, I dieted from time to time and even lost 70 pounds at one time. But when you have soooo much to lose, you kind of give up hope.

I continued gaining weight until I couldn't do things for myself. I can't go to the grocery store because I can't do the walking. Everyone on my Christmas lists get gift cards, because I can't do the shopping. I quit going out with friends because my size limited us on what we could do. I even quit going to church because of the walking. I just gave up. I didn't take care of my diabetes. I went to work, came home, and ate. What a sad life!!!

But then, I found out people had been praying for me to find an answer to my weight that would get me back into life. My friends and family were praying. My Monday Night Ladies Bible Study group bombarded God with prayers on my behalf. A couple of the ladies contacted Jim because they were hesitant to approach me. They didn't want to offend me, but they knew if something didn't change, I wasn't long for this world.

They formed a prayer and support group for me. Jim and I would talk and dispell all my fears. (Which I don't call fears anymore because God did not give me a spirit of timidity!) One friend took my insurance policy and read through it to see it there was any exception that I might fall into. The word "exclusion" kept getting in our way. Another friend contacted one of the local hospitals that has several programs where insurance falls short. Naturally, I make too much money for those. I couldn't find any funding that would allow me to have this surgery. So we just continued to pray. Pray, pray, pray!

I was sitting at my desk and got an email from someone who said he didn't want to but it, but he had heard what I was trying to do. I told him to but in all he wanted!!!! He went on to say that he had heard through the grapevine that there were people who were willing to help me with the funding! Just out of the blue! There was nothing I did, or my prayer group, or anyone else did to make this happen. It was God giving me what I truly wanted! God answering prayers. God loving me!

So, I am having my life-changing, "life-saving" surgery in 2 days. Prayers are still being said and God is still blessing me in so many ways with this gift. I just had to wait on His timing. And I'm sure, He has some wonderful things planned for me!